Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
