I accidentally had phone sex last night
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
