Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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