another moral hangover. fuck.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
