hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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