I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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