Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
