So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
