It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
