The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
