did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
