His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
