I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
