dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
