Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
