Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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