is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
