I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
