Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was born a porn star she said
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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