I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
