wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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