They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
