I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
