when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
