I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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