i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
