I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
