I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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