i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
