operation harelip BJ is a go
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think my moral compass just broke
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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