clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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