I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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