So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
