oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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