You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Randomize
