FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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