i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
