I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
