Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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