I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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