HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you will always have a special place in my vag
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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