No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
