dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
