Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
