the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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