Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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