We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
