Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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