So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
