u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
