haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
