Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You made out with two different species that night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
