i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
