and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
