Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
