he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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