Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
