I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
