I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
